Thursday, March 1, 2007

Under My Skin

There are those who you love. Those who love you. The lucky few who fall firmly into both groups. And then there are those people, the rare- and heartbreakingly lovely people who seem to find a way to seep under your skin and take up residence somewhere close to your heart. Like a memory you won’t forget and can’t convince yourself you should, these people have a lure that makes them impossible to say goodbye to- even when you’ve tried.

I have such a person. A fantastically brilliant, maddening, charming and utterly frustrating person that has a brownstone near my main artery. A person who’s punctuation inspires me to remember to put in my apostrophes. A person who reminds me that there is someone else out there who would choose vanilla over chocolate. A person who reminds me cats aren't all that bad. Due to reasons of fate, logic and personal sanity, it makes sense for us not to be friends. And we aren’t. Anymore. We are a weird hybrid of wary acquaintances and eager strangers- wanting to talk but never knowing what to say.

The hard part was learning that’s how it should be.

I’ve finally discovered that when someone has managed a way under your skin, has set up within striking distance of your heart and hunkered down for some time, you can’t really evict them. You don’t have a choice anymore. Everything they’ve ever said, or yelled or whispered- is stuck with you.- fixed in you. You cannot push ’delete’ as I has once hoped. When it’s impossible to say goodbye, wish them well, find a way to mean it and keep going. It doesn’t get less confusing but it does get less painful.

And if you are very, very lucky you will find that one day when you least expect it -it doesn’t hurt at all.

And that’s how it should be.

11 comments:

Bre said...

This post is truly fantastic and hit so very close to home that I can't even tell you! I especially loved A person who’s punctuation inspires me to remember to put in my apostrophes!

And also, I'm a vanilla over chocolate kind of girl :)

Pink Lace and Pearls said...

Beautifully written and so true. I love this post.
These special people touch us in a way that inspires us and makes us be better people. It's so hard to let go. But when we have to let go, hopefully we can still have hope that there will be others out there that will touch us in the same manner and maybe next time the ending will be different.

megs said...

You wrote that at midnight? At midnight I was just getting up for my midnight snack and wiping drool off the side of my face.

KitLiz said...

I have people like this, but I find more often than not it's about me (what I did or didn't do) that keeps drawing me to them.

Nice story about the quesadillas. My cousin does that on purpose, but she doesn't get that most people don't realize it's a joke!

brookem said...

I enjoyed this so very much.

Jennifer said...

OOH, that's good. And true. I'm going to have to add you to my blogroll, I can't miss any of these posts. Seriously, I feel smarter having read you.

Kathryn said...

part of why that sunshine and brilliant mind movie (I can never remember the exact title) appealed to me was that by erasing the memory you also erase the pain. But then you also erase the good stuff.

It's just the witing for the time when the hurt stops that truly sucks.

excellent post

Clare said...

That was a great post :).

Clare said...

That was a great post :).

brandy said...

Bre- I love knowing someone else would choose vanilla. That just made my day!

PL& Pearls- I hope the ending is different...

jennifer- thanks! I'll add you too!

kitliz: That makes so much sense to me. (The part about it being me, not the part about the quesadillas- although that's funny)

Kathryn: I can never remember the title either.. Eternal Sunshine in a Spotless Mind? Is that it? That sounds right...

Megs- It sounds lame but sometimes I have to write to get stuff off my chest so I can go to sleep and drool :)

brookem & clare- thanks so much. Isn't it funny that the posts you write completely for yourself without thinking about the response are usually the ones that people respond to the most positively?

Cassy said...

Wow... incredible post. (Sorry I'm just catching up on your posts here!) I can't even really say anything other then this was an amazing post... it definitely hit close to home. I've got to remember to stop in here daily because you're truly a great writer. :-)