So recently I've noticed a trend. It started out with a friend of mine, then moved to Grey's Anatomy, then spread into the life of yet another pal. The trend? Realizing that even if you don't want to be with someone, you still don't want them to be with someone else.
I'm weening myself off Grey's Anatomy (I'm sorry but there's something about Meredith that makes me want to take a scalpel to my brain), but saw Izzie tell Alex "just because I don't want to be with you doesn't mean I want you to be with someone else". That really hit home. I know it's selfish, immature and lacks the all-knowing self empowerment that Oprah has in diamond encrusted truck loads, but I find I relate to that sentiment. And I'm finding, I'm not the only one.
It's not that I want the people I don't want to be single and miserable forever, I just want them to be single until I'm not. Once I'm bathed in the lavender glow of coupledom, where 'we' statements flow and the inside jokes are common, I hope they find the same. After I'm happily cocooned in a great, stable relationship with a man (preferably a pediatrician who sings 'green eyes' by Coldplay and thinks my neurotic tendencies are adorable), I will become more Oprah-ish. I will be that ex who invites old flames for dinner with their new loves. Who takes great delight in the fact that they have found love with someone who is not me. And in this version of my future, I will also be able to wear pearl necklaces without looking like I'm playing dress-up.
The bottom line? I want ex'es to be happily coupled, to experience the satisfaction of feeling like they found a person who fits snugly into their life.
I just want them to find it after I have.
See? I told you- immature.
It's moments like this I'm glad I'm not friends with Oprah. I don't think I could handle disappointing her like this.
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16 comments:
I don't know if it's immature. I think it loses it's immaturity when you recognize that it's not the most mature feeling you could have. It's all in admitting you have a problem, haha. That said, I updated my friendster profile to "in a relationship," just so people I've known (if dated, then so be it), will see it and KNOW that I've moved on...
It's immature, but I know the feeling. It's like hiding when you see your old boyfriend with his new girlfriend and you are wearing sweatpants.
but good for you for being honest about it! ;)
ooooooooh me too me too! Wow its like you know what I am thinking! Its not immature entirely, its good to be aware of what you feel and think...Oprah will like that you know yourself and are honest with yourself!
Friendship with Oprah is waaaay overrated!
hey, if it's immature, then i'm right there with you. i felt like i could totally relate to izzy as well. and also share your sentiments on merideth, ha!
it's perfectly logical to me - and really, who wants the pressure of being Oprah's friend, anyway?
I can't believe this! It's totally immature. You SHOULD feel bad about thinking this, not wanting th best for an ex is so gr.7!!!!!
Its not immature to admit to a little jealousy. It is a viable emotion that we all possess. What we do with it and how we keep it in check is what is important. The fact that you recognize it and are not malicious with it means you are actually quite mature.
I can tell you, this is EXACTLY the way my ex feels about me. I asked him flat out if he would do what it takes to make me happy, and he said no. But five months later when I found someone who would bend over backwards for the sake of my happiness, the ex tried to make me feel miserable about it.
I understand the sentiment, his and yours. And I find my petty behavior manifests itself more in the I-don't-care-if-you're-dating-someone-else-but-I-hope-when-we-run-into-each-other-I-look-way-better-than-her vein of thinking. Eh, we all have our vices!
That's not immature, it's realistic!
Take Wes for example... he was WAY more into our relationship than I was, but now he's married and I'm irate. Not because I wanted to marry him, but because he's supposed to still be adoring me!
Maybe we're both childish?
Sorry, it's immature. As soon as you would rather feel good about yourself than want the best for someone else, it's immature. I stand by what I said earlier.
Immature? Maybe. Unreasonable? Potentially. Human nature? Absolutely.
There's an Oscar Wilde quote that sums this sensation up well and explains why we often hold onto people we shouldn't: "There are many things we would throw away if we not afraid that others might pick them up."
While I am not proud of it, I've definitely experienced what you summarized so well.
First of all, why is it always 'anonymous' who leaves the most accusing messages? Nevermind.
Anyway, instead of reply to each individually, I will say that I appreciated all of the comments. To those who relate and those who don't (but understand), it's nice to know that other people don't think I'm wildly immature. (even if I'm still working on convincing myself!)
Ally, I loved the quote. You're right, it fits perfectly.
I just love anonymous. He cracks me up whenever he rears his ugly head.
Oprah is evil. She is philosphically inconsistent, and intellectually dishonest. There's someone who talks out of both sides of her mouth.
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