Like Pavlov's dogs, I'm learning that certain triggers will send me into an unplanned response. More specifically, certain phrases will send me into a blood curdling, hair tingling, cold and uncomfortable sweat that will prompt me to lie in the fetal position under my bed and drink whiskey until I think I AM Johnny Cash.
Okay, I exaggerate, but here are some phrases that make me prone to fits of extreme rage, or you know, just uncomfortable or unhappy...
- "I signed us up for karokee, stop drinking so fast, let's do this song sober!"
- "Hi there, this is Revenue Canada. Can we please speak to Brandy?"
- "You're late" (I hate,hate, HATE being late)
- "It's time for a pap smear!"
- " I think you are silly/cute/a joke".
- "It broke" (And to quote Louis Armstrong, 'if you have to ask, you'll never know')
- "Now, I know we said we weren't going to cut a lot of hair off this time, but I thought this Dorothy Hamill cut would really suit you. Hey, why are you crying?"
- "Nope, we don't have you booked on this airplane, sorry! Now can you step aside for the next person in line?"
- "Hey, dude, I'm watching your house burn down right now. No really. Ohhh, they just smashed your window."
- "I don't want to date you anymore, but happy birthday."
- "Ma'am, I need to see your license and registration" (this is only uncomfortable when I'm driving with expired insurance...)
- "You're a democrat? Wow, I would have totally pegged you as a Republican." (this one was more funny, but I was shocked nonetheless)
- "I don't watch The Office. Wait, why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong?"
And of course, the ever popular, never appreciated
- "I have some bad news"
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10 comments:
Wait, someone broke up with you on your BIRTHDAY?
Hard to pick the worst though the hair would leave me in tears no doubt.
Can I add the infamous, "It's not you it's me" to that list?
I have a deep and full hatred of the line, "You're more than welcome to..." (insert activity I would be more than welcome to join in). WAIT? I'm your girlfriend and I'm more than welcome to come? Good to know.
the hair one got me too.
you have been coming up with some real good lists lately!
Hi Katie, it's your dad. Nothing to worry about but ...
fills me with an enormous sense of dread
You know what I can't stand? People who call you on the phone and say:
"Hey B, it's me. What are you doing?"
And then they expect YOU to carry on the phone conversation even though they are the ones who called.
That drives me crazy. If you're going to phone you better have a conversational topic in mind!
+1 for Mel's addition.
Two words: Just. Friends.
Great post...love the line about Cash.
mine would be:
-i'm running late
-it's time for that pap smear (already?!)
-i have some bad news (that in itself never turns out well)
have a great weekend! :)
megs- Yes, yes they did
e.b.- it would appear that despite the differences that divide all of mankind, bad haircuts bring us all together...
Mel- Ahh, I totally relate! Those drive me crazy!
Brookem- The hair one was pretty bad! And as for the lists, sometimes I'm just too lazy for paragraphs! ;)
Kathryn- "the nothing to worry about" is pretty much the same as "i have bad news" in my books!
Brrr- Ahh, the lazy phone talker. I hate that too! Although, sometimes I'm guilty- but only of doing it to people who do it to me as well...
Aaron- I agree, I totally agree.
Alejandra- Ohh, 'just friends' is right up there with mel's!
Trixie- I'm glad you can relate!
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