When I was little my mom would get upset because I would always put my hand near the stove. Despite her warnings, I would do it- because I could and it was MY hand (I was a charming child). Of course, I would get burned. Normally one burn is enough to teach a child, but I was not a normal girl. The fascination of a heat that warmed me before it hurt me would drawn me back again, and again. Eventually, I grew out of the fascination, just as one grows out of old clothes with faded logos or songs that have lost their meaning and my parents breathed a sigh of relief.
I find myself near a stove again. And I know what will happen before I touch it. It will hurt. This time it's not my family telling me to stay away, but my friends. My smart friends who know about particular stove top burns and how slow they are to heal. How slow I am to heal. And this time, I really want to listen and I know I should, but I find myself wanting to be warmed again even if it hurts. I find that their kind words and gentle warnings are the rock, paper, scissors but my foolish heart is the atomic bomb that beats them all.
I find that I'm six years old again.
It will hurt. More than before. Because it's not a stove anymore. And it's not my hand.
Note- Okay, so I just re-read this and realized it sounds like I'm getting initiated to join a gang of angry bikers with bad facial hair or have decided to give crystal meth a try. I assure you it's nothing that dramatic. I'm just... a sap.