Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Shrimp Forks

I probably should wait before writing something. I should probably drink chai tea, do some yoga or go to my meditation room where I will breathe deeply until my lungs hurt. But, since I have no tea, don't do yoga (don't hate me. I also don't like sushi and sometimes take two parking spots at the mall when it's tricky to park my truck)and don't have a meditation room (surprise!), I'm just going to write. Besides, that's why I started writing in the first place- to have an 'outlet' for frustration. And you know, because I like to.

So. (Side note: I notice that I say "So." a lot when I'm frustrated. And it appears that I also have the urge to use a lot of brackets)

I'm frustrated.

I know this person. Let's call him... Marvin. (And no, I don't particularly love the name Marvin, in fact, I picked a name I dislike because I'm spiteful like that. And if you are reading this, and your name is Marvin... I'm sorry. I'm sure you have lots of other great qualities and that millions of girls in this great big world love that name, but I don't. And I'm sorry. But not sorry enough to choose a different name.)

I digress.

Anyway, Marvin. Marvin has always been on of those friends that you could talk to about anything. In fact, there was a time when he was the first person I told all the big moments, bad news and exciting stories to. Marvin was funny and thoughtful and always had something interesting to say. He asked questions. He remembered things. He held up his end of the conversation and more than once listened to me declare jihad on ex boyfriends cry. But lately, Marvin has become really... well, lame.

I realize that lame is well, a lame word to use but it fits. If the God of Friendship (let's name that God...Jack, because that's my favourite name for a boy), so if Lord of Friendship Jack, told Marvin and I that we had to unload a dishwasher, it's like we went from doing everything 50/50 it being 90/10. Suddenly, all Marvin is capable of is putting away shrimp forks. And sweet Jesus, this may surprise you, but just putting away shrimp forks does not a friendship make. Suddenly, I'm doing all the work, asking all the questions, working at something that used to not be work.

See? Lame.

I suppose this is where you would tell me to stop acting like I'm oh, about 14 years old (again), and talk to Marvin. And I could. But the thing is, what do you say? "Start being more like the old you and less like the new you?", "I'm sad I don't know what to talk to you about?" Or better yet, "Do you want to just... stop being friends, because if you do, that's fine but you are going to have to tell me because I'm a girl who just don't get the 'fade out and I'm sorry if that's hard for you to grasp, but that's just how I roll'?".

That hardly seems adult.

But I guess it's better than the alternative- stabbing him in the leg with a shrimp fork and hoping it brings the old Marvin back.

18 comments:

Aaron said...

Not knowing history that would further conclude this story... Maybe Marvin was so attentive because he liked you. I mean, really liked you as in I-want-to-date-you-like-you. You two aren't dating so his priorities have changed?

Jennifer said...

I'm with Aaron.

and I so love how you tell a story!

JustRun said...

Cool post, well written. It does sound lame but maybe you should just say "Yo, Marv, sup?" Okay, that was lame too but maybe a little confrontation is what you need. I've had guy friends go lame on me, too and eventually, we did the fade out. Looking back, I think I should have just asked them what was going on. Even if they didn't have an answer, at least I would have asked.

I don't even own shrimp forks...

Cyndi said...

Hhhmm, maybe Marvin has some big problem/issue that's taking up all his time and brian power that he hasn't told you about? Maybe that's why he's all distant and lame. Or he could just be moody or something. My guy friends do that too sometimes, just fall off the grid for a while. I suggest trying to figure out what's on his mind that's making him go all wierd. Good luck!

Beth said...

It's so funny that you should write about this now because I am going through something just like this with a friend now. I hate confrontations like this, but in the end, I will probably give him a little while longer just to see if anything changes and then I will talk to him.

I think if you don't talk to him, you will risk losing the kind of friendship that you once had.

Ruby said...

Totally attack him with forks starting with shrimp, then dessert and keep moving up till you get to carving and make him explain himself or fix it!

Or um you know...be a grownup and sort it out over drinks or decide if you want to let Marvin go.

Kathryn said...

as much as I am loving the visual of stabbing Marvin in the leg with a shrimp fork, I would just ask him if there is something going on in his world, though I suspect that it is as Aaron has pointed out and if that is indeed then case, then a stabbing would be totally justified

Trixie said...

perhaps if you haven't already, it's time to sit down with him and let him know that you feel you and him have been growing distant.

is there something going on in his life that is taking up all his time -- family issues, illness, etc??

Sizzle said...

did something coincide with this shift in the friendship? it seems like you two share a special bond so it'd be worth it to discuss your friendship. it sounds like you just miss him and sometimes that's all a person needs to hear.

i hope it works out!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Ask him what the problem is - maybe something is up that you're unaware of?

Brillig said...

Ooooh! Oooooh!!! Stab him with the shrimp fork!! Whatever the result, it'll make for a GREAT blog post! And let's face it. Few things in life compare to a great blog post. (Remember to take pictures too, please!!!)

brookem said...

oh marvin is an idiot. and come on, the fade out is so early 2000's. he should know better than pulling that.

HippieChyck said...

i thought we all agreed that men and women can't really be friends?

adam and eve, caveman story...ring any bells?

Clare said...

I hope you manage to sort things out with Marvin.

Bre said...

Frank and Matt do that to me sometimes. I hound them into spilling their guts or we go out and get "honest drunk"... the shrimp fork is a good fallback plan though

appletini said...

Maybe Marvin is depressed or something. A quick stab would probably revamp his system and help him feel something other than saddness :)
No.. but really, you should talk to him. And use "I statements" ;)

Get Trished said...

Sometimes you just need a bit of a break from friends. I have some that can be taken in small doses, but too much of them and I go crazy. Makes for a deeper appreciation for the friendship, when it's not so overused.

linda said...

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